i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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