she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
