Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
