I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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