i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
