I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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