omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
