I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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