The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize