So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
