Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
