The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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