Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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