dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
