Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize