i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Boobs are out for the taking
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
