Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
