why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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