i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize