you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize