Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
