I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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