Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
