she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
