so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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