I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
