I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize