well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He better not be in your backpack
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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