I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
