it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
