what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
