i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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