Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
