did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize