I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
