the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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