can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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