Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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