I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
