making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
