Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
