last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She said her name was "party"
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
