My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
