New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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