mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
