I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
