We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
