Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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