Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
