Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
