Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
