we're chasing vodka with high fives
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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