the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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