i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
