He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
