Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
