I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
