the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
