put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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