I never want to see another naked old woman again.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
