So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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