How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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