Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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