Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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