I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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