why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
