I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
