I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
