I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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