I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My vagina is very pro this idea
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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