I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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