We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
