So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize