I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
