My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize