Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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