Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
