Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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