Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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