Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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