I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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