I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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