The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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