so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
