I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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