Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
