Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
