just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
