She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
